There are, so the internet viral says, so many dumb ways to die. This way of thinking inspires Spelunky, a shamefully retro platformer with a devious sense of humour that manages to bridge the elusive gap between “oh, just one more go then” and “oh, I want to impale my own eyes with my joypad”. Your character, an intrepid explorer in the Dr. Jones mould, can be crushed by a boulder, bitten by a snake, manhandled by a yeti, gobbled by piranhas, melted by an ancient mummy’s noxious breath, brain-fried by an alien’s gaze… the variety of deaths is almost endless,…