Watch: Problem Patterns – Christmas Number One

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Whether you’re thrilled or dreading the prospect of a quiet Christmas this year, Belfast’s finest feminist punks have a single we’re delighted to let you hear. Its doo wop-via-Breeders harmonies guaranteed to have you grinning from ear to ear, ‘Christmas Number One’ is a refreshingly positive take on coping with expectations of seasonal cheer.

Now, don’t let our lazy rhyming couplets put you off – Problem Patterns’ latest single is as earworming as they’ve ever been. Normally, we’re not ones to copy & paste a press release, but as ever, they put it better than we could have:

“Known for their feminist punk ethos, Problem have tackled such topics as bodily autonomy, sapphic erasure, modern womanhood, terfs & mediocre men in their music. However, in their boldest move yet, they’ve written… a Christmas song?

‘Christmas Number One’, is an alternative take on the Christmas holidays this year. As we all know, Covid-19 restrictions mean we won’t be having the Christmas we all dreamed of… but what if that actually wasn’t a bad thing? Have a horribly problematic aunt that makes you wince every time she asks “How can you be single? You’re bisexual, doesn’t that mean you fancy everyone?”

Fed up with smiling through the driest vegan roast of all time that cost you £35 just because your “work do” is at some expensive hotel that predates veganism? Don’t wanna waste a fiver on your passive aggressive co-worker that always steals your pen? Because let’s be honest, you’d rather put it towards the rent this year. Then ‘Christmas Number One’ by Problem Patterns might just be the one for you!

On a more serious note, this year is going to be tough for a lot of people who will feel isolated, alone and hopeless. We wanted to send a message of solidarity and support to those who might suffer. It is completely okay to sit alone on Christmas and eat mash potatoes in your pants watching Elf. In fact, we encourage it. Staying safe & sound is the most important thing right now and we want folks to know it’s okay to be overwhelmed by it all. On the contrary, some people
feel this way every Christmas. Not everyone has supportive places to go for the holidays and we wanted to make some light of the fact that we don’t have to tolerate unsupportive folk just because of a holiday.

On that note, we wish you a safe, Happy Christmas from the band!”

You can buy the track on Bandcamp, and check out the video below:


is Gig Guide Editor & guitarist/vocalist with Junk Drawer, PigsAsPeople & Sister Ghost. Appreciator of Neil Young, vinyl, black coffee, Richard Linklater, light & shade.